you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
