He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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