Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it because I queefed?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
