Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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