Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
