a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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