i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize