dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
