I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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