Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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