I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
