can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
