i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
