thus making me awesome and them whores
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
