if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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