No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
