That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
