i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
