U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
