From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
