i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
