Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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