This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
