trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
