dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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