I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
soo... how was my night?
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