How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
