Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
