Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
