Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
