oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
