Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
