Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
