i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
