No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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