im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
