Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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