At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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