I showed him my bush... on skype.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
how drunk are you?
Several
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
