can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
