Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
