FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
