You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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