The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
