just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
