The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
