At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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