I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
