are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
