So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
