finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
