He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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