All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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