can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
