Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
