oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You can't special order awesome
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
