i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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