I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
