Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
