or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
