How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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