i think i have two assholes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
