How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My ass is underappreciated
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
