I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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