it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
