I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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