So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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