i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
