best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize