3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
