life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
