btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize