if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
