TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
