I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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