and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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