Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
...so i touched it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
