**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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