My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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