Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
