we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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