worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
