i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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