Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
