I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
