I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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