The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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