Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
