when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
