So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I am morally bankrupt
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize