I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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