hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
