playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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