in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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