I think I won the penis lottery.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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