My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
