The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
