There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
