If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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