Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
