need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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