If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
