you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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