He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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