Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
