1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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