I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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