you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
