Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
